Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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