for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
