So drunk its hurt
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
