So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
