He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
