You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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