and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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