I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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