Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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