Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
