i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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