Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
