we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
