Someone shit on the floor
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
