So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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