Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
