i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
