I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
