his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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