I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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