Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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