Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
