Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
