it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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