My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
