Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
