I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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