I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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