plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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