I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
