I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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