so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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