1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
