he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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