What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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