the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
