Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
