you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
