I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
