explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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