Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
