My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
