**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
