Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
