i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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