Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
