I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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