dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
