yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
