You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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