Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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