if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
