her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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