Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
COCAINE IS GR8
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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